Background –
I matched with a guy on a dating app a couple months ago and we’ve been texting regularly since then, but he said he’s not looking for a relationship at the moment but he’s always down to meet up. Does that mean he’ll want a relationship at some point, or just looking for a casual fun?
Response –
The subtext of his text is that he’s looking for something that isn’t a relationship – casual or otherwise. When a guy risks losing a potential anything-but-a-relationship (ie: he’s risking losing a potential casual partner), you can take his word for it. His direct messaging is that he’s not looking for relationship from you now or in the future, so don’t take it personally.
This is all fine and dandy….so long as that’s what you’re looking for too.
On the other hand, if you’re looking for a relationship, this isn’t your guy. Continuing to engage in something causal with him in the hopes that he’ll change his mind and want a relationship with you is a sure-fire way to feel unrequited love, heartbreak, resentment and drama.
If you’re both not on the same page with what you’re looking for but you still enjoy talking, why not keep him as a friend? But communicate that to him to take the casual card off the table. It can be as simple as:
“Hey, I really enjoy talking with you but we’re looking for different things. Would you be open to being friends?”
And see what he says (or doesn’t say).
If being friends with him is challenging for you because of emotional attachment, then end it on a good note by being direct in your messaging to him. It can be as simple as:
“Hey, I’ve enjoyed chatting with you but we’re looking for different things. I wish you the best”.
In dating and getting to know people, there’s always a risk in that we’re not compatible or on the same page with things. Your choice in the matter is to decide if it’s aligned with what you’re looking for and to communicate whether it is or isn’t.
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