Background –
I broke up with my boyfriend 6 months ago because of my mental health. Since then, my friends continue to bring him up in conversations after I’ve asked them not to. Am I overreacting?
Response –
No. You’re never overreacting when it comes to your boundaries being crossed and disrespected. Boundaries aren’t there to control others’ behaviors but to inform you what you need to do to protect your boundaries and self.
Think of it like a cat when it hisses. It hisses to warn you you’re getting close to it’s boundary of “leave me the f alone”. Guess what it does if you ignore it and try to pet it? It’ll take a few swipes at you. The same can be said about healthy anger and our boundaries.
When we communicate our boundaries, we’re at the hissing stage – although it’ll probably not sound as aggro as a cat’s hiss. But, the behavior continues, instead of taking a swipe at your friend, you’re going to remove yourself from convo and most likely decrease the time you spend with them.
Look, breakups are never easy – especially when you compound that with health and mental health challenges. I would hope your friends would be more mindful to that. But if they aren’t, use this time of solitude to focus on yourself and self-care and consider this friends cleanse.
You don’t have to toss your friend group out like the trash – with time and growth, they can always rejoin you – but life has a way of isolating us when we’re about to have a massive upgrade in our life. Simply put: we’ve outgrown our old friends and new friends that match our new frequency will arrive.
In the meantime, focus on getting lots of sleep, eating healthy, move your body (dance, yoga, run, gym etc), journal, laugh and trust that there’s a new you and friend group waiting to meet you on the other side of this temporary challenge.
Happy healing, friend!
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