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Writer's pictureKaley Evans

He left his hat at my place post break up – should I contact him?



lost found item dating advice love relationships breakups life lifestyle support blog writer
should you contact your ex about a forgotten item



Background –

Dated a guy for 5 weeks, he love bombed and said I love you pretty fast which felt off to me, so I ended it. He took it poorly, even when I tried to be kind and told him I wanted to still be friends while he was working on personal things. He didn’t want to and said “I’m not friends with people who leave me at my lowest”.  That was a month ago. Today, I found his hat under my bed and I’m not sure if I should let him know it’s here. I know he would want it back but I don’t know if I want the fallout.


Response –

For starters, you did the right thing. If things felt off and he was rushing things by saying “I love you” too soon, he has some work on his own to do. It appears he could have been hoping this relationship would save him from doing the work to get through a low point in his life. We all go through high and low points – that’s a fact of life – but putting that responsibility on you isn’t fair and it’s not unfair of you to want to take time away while he’s working on that.


Does the hat really mean a lot to him, or is it a convenient opportunity for you to reach out to him, whether that to be to see how he’s doing or to mitigate any negative emotions that might be lingering within you for ending it with him when you did?


My advice would be to not contact him about the hat, especially this far in the game of being apart and no contact, and especially how poorly he took the breakup. If the hat truly meant something to him, he would’ve reached out to you already (or at least asked if you had it) about it. Should you happen to reach out to him, he may take it the wrong way, as in he might take it as a sign you want to get back together, or he could use it as an opportunity to get some easy jabs in to help soothe the pain he’s feeling, especially when he made the comment “I’m not friends with people who leave me” comment speaks to unresolved abandonment issues. None of that has anything to do with you, despite being projected at you when you broke up with him. Secure people know that despite the sting of rejection from breakups, they’re a part of life and want people who choose them in their life.

With what to do with the hat if you choose not to reach out to him, you can toss it, donate it, or you can store it away somewhere safe and out of sight should you want to repair the lost connection somewhere down the line.



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