Carbs: can’t live with them, can’t live without them. But what about those carbs when you’re dating? You know, those pesky breadcrumbs people can leave that give us just a taste without offering the whole entire loaf.
Breadcrumbing in dating is just as its nickname implies. Just like the witch in Hansel and Gretel, there were breadcrumbs leading all the way through the woods to her cabin. Breadcrumbing in dating is very similar in context, while it gives you just a taste of what it’s like to be with someone and have their admiration, that’s all that is, a sample.
People typically breadcrumb in dating happens when they’re insecure, unsure of what they want or who they want, or they’re keeping their options open.
Regardless of the reasoning, the subtext of these texts is that this person is keeping you interested enough to keep you on the backburner in case their first options fall through and you’re not a priority to them.
Sometimes if communication started off as consistent and engaging tapers off into shorter and to-the-point responses (as in you’re always the one initiating conversations and they don’t keep it going by asking you questions) and/or it takes days for them to respond back
-- usually short like “k”, or “good” --
could be due to other priorities in their life that have come up, such as tight deadlines at work or a sick relative, which are all plausible and typically not something one would want to divulge to someone they just started seeing.
However, if that’s not the case, the ball is in their court to communicate that to the other person without feeling as though they need to go into the story or explain it further.
If they haven’t mentioned anything to you and their communication has fallen off the radar, you can simply send a text like,
“hey, I’ve noticed lately the communication has been off, just checking to see if everything’s ok”,
and see how and what they respond back with – if the response is vague or short and doesn’t provide you with more clarity, it’s fair to say this person is breadcrumbing you.
If they write back with “hey, I’ve got a tight deadline with work” or something along those lines, there’s still a possibility this person is telling the truth or they could be breadcrumbing you.
Regardless, give them the benefit of the doubt, because time will tell which side of the fence they’re on. If you’d feel better blocking them afterwards, go ahead because we all know at some point down the road, they’ll reach out again (they alwayyyyyyys do).
Keep in mind, if y’all haven’t had a conversation about being exclusive or committed, all is fair in love and dating…meaning you’re both free to communicate with other people, but if you’re interested in pursuing this person and they’re not reciprocating, then perhaps it’s time to consider seeking out someone who’s closer aligned with what you’re looking for.
If you truly believe this person is breadcrumbing you, then it’s up to you to decide on what you’re looking for and what you’re going to tolerate. If you find yourself holding on in the hopes this breadcrumber will have a change of heart, consider exploring within yourself why that is: Is this a repeating pattern in dating with hopes of changing the outcome if you hold on long enough for this breadcrumber to come around?
If you’re looking for something more serious with better communication, then said them a text saying,
“hey, it’s been great getting to know you but lately I’ve noticed the communication has been lacking, which isn’t working for me. I wish you the best”.
This way, you’re staying true to yourself and your standards without bringing emotions or hurt feelings of what could’ve been into the mix while freeing yourself up for someone who will show up and communicate more effectively with you.
At the end of day, we can control how we show up and respond and others. If you feel you’re being breadcrumbed, show yourself some love and gravitate towards those who love at the same capacity as you.
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