Time and time again, I’ve been rejected more times than I’d care to admit.
Often times, when we think of rejection, we think of failure. The two seem intrinsically intertwined like some sort of Loser Award we receive as a consolation prize for trying.
I’ve been rejected by the guy I was dating. I’ve been rejected from the small, dark, dirty and over-priced room for rent in the basement of a tiny post-war home that had a weird smell and an even weirder roommate. I’ve been rejected from that job where I checked all the boxes in the job description (even did.the.same.job previously and with great success and references), or from the job promotion I felt to my core I had earned and would rock at. And even rejected after enduring a five-round panel interview process, which included projects and tests that took hours to complete, only to receive a generic “thank you for your interest” email months later.
Rejection is never easy. And it can never be eradicated. It’s in evitable and unpleasant part of life….like paying taxes.
But if that’s the case, that we can’t change or eradicate rejection as it were some disease, what if we could change how we perceive rejection?
Countless times I’ve found myself faced with rejection. Whether that be rejection from the guy I was dating in the form of him breaking up with me, whether through text or post-coffee-or-lunch ‘hang’ or, dare even, the breakup post-coffee-or-lunch ‘hang’ that was prefaced in the pre-event text that read “can we meet? We need to talk”.
Sometimes, the dating rejection doesn’t come in the form of your former suiter dumping you, but more in the inevitable this-relationship-has-run-its-course play out after many unresolved and repeating fights. Or, there were no fights, you just felt energetically depleted at the end of each day.
Rejection can even come in the form of a living arrangement. Like in the first few years of living in the city, at the very beginning of the housing crisis, when the only option for living was finding a room to rent with a Craigslist rando. Days spent scouring Craiglists ads, answering ads that sounded promising, getting ghosted by some, replied to by others, arranged viewing times, took the time to travel to and from viewing locations, time spent chatting with prospective roommates….all to get either get ghosted again or to get the inevitable rejection email citing they chose a friend… or someone other than you. Defeating. Especially when you need a place to live.
Aside from dating rejection, job rejection is another common one that often doesn’t get discussed as much as it should….probably because the embarrassment or shame we attach it to it. That this level of rejection, as common as it is, directly correlates to our value as a both a professional and as a human (full disclosure: it doesn’t!). Whether that be rejection from a job we applied to, only to get ghosted (hello, dating world parallel) or receive the generic rejection email many months down the line (hello, jumped to that conclusion about a month after applying and radio silence), rejected after one or shudder several rounds of panel interviews -- which is another ‘unprecedented’ and uniquely 2024 vibe I’m sure no one is fond of -- to getting rejected in the form of layoffs or terminations, which again is another all-too-common and ‘unprecedented’ vibe of 2024 that we can call agree would be better if we just left it in the dumpster fire known as the pandemic-and-post-pandemic-eras.
Whatever version of rejection mentioned above, it’s safe to say most, if not all, of us have experienced one type of these rejections…or in some unfortunate cases, more than one and occurring simultaneously at the same time. And for those who say they haven’t, they’re either too ashamed to admit it, or they’ve buried that one so deep within the recesses of themselves, it won’t emerge until later on in life.
What if, instead of viewing rejection as this statement of inadequacy that we all experience when we’re faced with any sort of rejection, we viewed it as redirection and protection?
Redirecting us away from what isn’t aligned with higher calling, destiny, path, whatever-you-wanna-call-it, and aligns us on the correct (and often better all around) path. How many times have you looked back on a past rejection only to realize had you not been rejected, you wouldn’t be where you are now?
Let’s take a job for example. You got rejected from your dream job you so desperately wanted, and by all accounts you were qualified for. But now, after time has created some distance between you and that rejection, you were able to look back with gratitude and appreciation that it played out the way it did.
Because otherwise, had you not experienced that job rejection and accepted that position, you would’ve missed out on the better job you have now, or that relationship or whatever.
The point is, you don’t see why the rejection is happening when you in the midst of it. It’s only once you’re out of it and time has created enough distance that it shows you the why.
Another way to look at rejection is that it’s protection. It’s protecting you from not only what’s not destined on your path, but in some cases, it can protect you from the drama and stress of chaotic places, people or things.
Take for instance, countless office and corporate jobs I’ve applied to over the past few years…some I was even directly qualified for. Like clockwork, I would see the job posting, customize my cover letter and resume for the position and company, send it in often along with a comically long questionnaire list that my resume answers (hello, copy/paste function!), never hear back aside from the application received email. It’s only after I’ve moved on with my life and job search that I see that job posted AGAIN two or three months later. Almost like clockwork. It’s usually when I see this pattern occur, I go and check out the job reviews online for the company….spoiler alert: it’s never good. 😉
So, from there you’re able to better gauge it's more of a Them Thing than a You Thing, and not take it as personally as it may feel.
But if that’s the case, why does rejection feel so personal when that’s not the case? Well, my friend, to answer that, we learn on good ol’ psychology for that one. Humans are tribal beings, which stems allll the way back to our caveman era when we strongly relied on our tribes for our safety and our survival. In a time when the tribe either hunted or gathered (all jobs one cannot simply do on their own), let alone produce and care for offspring and make it through harsh seasons, being rejected by our tribe surely meant our chances of survival were low, unless we were able to join another tribe.
In simple terms: If you got voted out of the tribe, you would most likely die.
Now humans have come a long way since our caveman days, but this evolutionary defect remains in humans today, which helps to explain why any sort of rejection, mild or spicy, delivers a sting and feels personal, even when it’s not meant to. That, when we’re in the midst of rejection, it feels as though our world is ending….which back in our caveman era, it did.
So, knowing this now bring awareness when we’re facing any sort of rejection. That, the most successful people in the world around us have all faced many failures – more that outweigh their successes – that failure isn’t something to be feared and shamed, but to embrace and accept it for what it is: our greatest teacher.
Rejection is our greatest source of knowledge on where to improve to be better, protects us from harm and drama, and redirects us to the path we’re meant to walk down…that’s almost always 100% better than the path we would’ve taken had we not been rejected.
If you have experienced rejection and failure, you’re in good (and successful) company!
ความคิดเห็น