Most of the time when we think about change, we tend to think it’s when a massive shift occurs in our lives. And, although that can be the case, such as a job loss, most changes in our lives are not the result of one big shift, but rather, it’s the sum of several micro-steps that compounded result in one collective shift.
All too often when we’re under the mindset that one big change will arrive to put us on our path, we give up before the miracle can happen because we can’t see the compounding micro-steps we’re taking – we tend to think that big shift will never arrive, so think and behave in accordance with that belief.
But what if we were closer to that shift than we originally thought? What if we’re almost at the sum of all the micro-steps we’ve been taking? Would that change you perceive change and behave differently to produce a different outcome?
Take for instance going to the gym. I bet when you first started going you weren’t in the greatest of shape….and you quickly discovered that the results don’t appear overnight. You most likely didn’t see ANY results of your consistent workouts for at least 6-8 weeks later, even though I bet you felt it after the first workout. Most people give up on the gym within this time frame because they can’t see the tangible results of the pain and discomfort they feel from it – THAT is when trusting the process and doing the work on the micro-steps comes into play. You TRUST that by showing up consistently for each workout and making it a part of your routine, that you will end up with results you can see.
Now, I'm not saying that Life doesn't toss up one-off moments of abrupt change - it does. Sometimes, Life offers up change in one fell swoop, such as when experience a sudden death or a job loss, that's different. What i'm saying, outside of these one-off changes, most of the substantial change we experience in life is teh accumilation of micro-steps that compound to create that big shift.
Another example can come from my summer of 2015. I was one year into a recovering from severe injuries from a car accident that wasn’t my fault, my heart had been broken not only once but twice, my pet died two days before my birthday, my old friend group was rapidly falling away like sand through fingers, and I had left my job in healthcare to pursue music and writing full time. At this time, it felt as though everything of my old life was disappearing…again!
I was convinced I had a midas touch of some sorts, one where everything I touched or loved would not turn to gold but disappear from my life.
During this time, I was back living on my own again in a cute apartment waiting out the healing process to eventually uproot my life again and move to a larger city. And although I was grateful I didn’t have to share my space with a roommate or a Craigslist random, I found myself hating my apartment…mainly because I hated the place in life I was at.
One evening in late spring, I found myself laying on the couch, blankly glaring out my living room window at the dying garden outside, with the self-defeating thought of “oh god, I can’t even keep a garden alive”running through my mind as if it were a catchy new song left on repeat.
As I laid there, glaring at the dying plants, I decided to change the tape that was playing in my mind. Instead hating my apartment because I internalized it as “it’s because I’ll die alone” to one of gratitude for living on my own…free to do whatever I wanted, when I wanted, decorate how I wanted to decorate, and stay up late if I wanted. No one was around to tell me otherwise.
I also decided that instead of lying there on my couch, steeping in self-defeat and negative self-talk as I was some sort of discarded random tea that sat in someone’s cupboard only to be brought out when guests were over,
I asked myself: “Is there something more productive you could be doing with your time right now?”.
It was in that moment I decided fresh air would do me some good - not changing my mindset. 🤦🏼♀️ 🤪
I got up, opened the door, and stood in the doorway blankly staring at the two concrete steps that led down to my door, hoping that the delicate scent of flowers that filled the air on this crisp evening air and the pink hues that illuminated the sky like hallway nightlights would soothe my injuries and my heartbreak - but it didn’t. Not even in the slightest.
And as I stood there for what felt like an eternity, I felt as though I had to do something, but I wasn’t quite sure exactly what. As my gaze was fixed on the sad and neglected garden that was in various stages of death, I still chose inaction. It was after a few minutes of this to realize this wasn’t do anything to fix my current state.
So, I decided to do what anyone who’s found themselves in this predicament, I chose to sit on the concrete steps instead of staring at them.
Seems like the logical next step, I suppose.😂
As I sat there on the concrete stair, no closer to escaping my current shit-storm of circumstances and lamenting in my heartbreak and injuries, to the right of me, I noticed a hose attached to a water source that ran off the side of the house.
My gaze shifted off of the hose to dying bushes which lived immediately to the side of the hose. “How ironic”, I thought to myself, as I watched these plants slowly die when there was a water source so close.
Several more minutes of self-pity-steeping and staring at the dying plants went by before II finally got up, picked up the hose, turned on the water, and began to water the bushes all around me.
As I began to direct the water to the base of the bushes and the surrounding soil, I realized I hadn’t noticed any of the sharp pains shooting down my back, or all the events Life had tossed and taken away from me. My mind was just blank and calm as I watered those plants – I was purely focused in the moment. When I was done, I felt a sense of accomplishment, even if it didn’t bring these plants back from the brink of death. I felt a sense of purpose for caring for something other than myself or my worries
After that, each night as the sun began to sink below the horizon, the sky grew pastel pink, and the cooler air, my new evening ritual consisted of showing up and watering the plants, which morphed into pruning the dead parts to make way for the new growth. All the while, I would take in the white noise of the neighbourhood as my mind grew silent from the relentless thoughts that would fill it throughout the day. This was the respite I was subconsciously looking for and had recently found.
It wasn’t long before I began to see the results of this micro-step of change. I quickly realized what I thought were dead bushes were actually rhododendron bushes whose leaves began to perk up, grow brighter and fuller, and begin to sprout new buds that would bloom into gorgeous flowers. It wasn’t long after those flowers began to bloom that they attracted bees, butterflies, and hummingbirds to the yard, all sipping on the nectar from the flowers. It was the compounding of all these micro-steps of showing up each night, watering the garden, tendning to the garden, that when combined, produced tons of flowers that attracted more birds, butterflies and bees, which created a beautiful and inviting backdrop.
Sort of like a symphony piece, each instrument playing its own arrangement of notes, that solo wouldn't amount to much, but when played together with other instruments and arrangements produce a stunning and full sounding song.
As summer faded into autumn, and autumn into winter, I continued to water the plants every night. And sure enough, when spring rolled around again, they all bloomed at once again and in full colour. When my injuries and broken heart had both healed, and autumn rolled around once more, it was time for me to move cities. My landlord expressed immense gratitude for turning his garden around and brought it back to life. He mentioned in the several years of owning this investment rental property, no one had ever watered them – no one took the time to pause and care for something other than themselves.
Now, I’m not saying that watering your garden will fix all of your problems, but I am saying it won’t make your problems worse.
When we feel the immense pressure of Life, the best thing we can do to relieve it is to care for something other than ourself – that, in the service of others, we take the focus and pressure off of ourselves. And that Life doesn’t necessarily change in one fell swoop, that most of the time, change is embedded within the micro-steps we take that cause the biggest shifts in our lives.
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